After two years...

It's been what? Almost 2 years since my last post. So what happened during those times. Here you go. Still stuck in my desk job (which I'm really trying to continue to love each and every single day, but still dreading - I don't know why, I'm still finding my passion). For now all I think about is to resign, and search for what my passion really is. I don't know what to do really. If someone asks me, how I see myself in 5 years, all I think and respond is to have a stable career and family abroad. But talking about career, I really don't know what exactly it is. Lately, I've been thinking about shifting to another industry. Number one in my list is being a part of a non-profit organization. I suddenly had this urge of helping people, interacting with them and being aware of their situation. I know the financial aspect of it is quite challenging but I think the most important thing is that you love what you do. I also would want to travel and explore the world, well, that's quite impossible for now. So I'm willing to start here in our country. I want to see every nook and cranny of our country, because it is really a beautiful place. I'm not an experienced traveler / backpacker / whatsoever but thinking about that makes me giddy. And also through that, I may be able to get to know more about my kababayans, see how their lives work, and basically experience different culture and that's basically living a purposeful life. Buuuuuuut, the problem is, aside from overthinking, I am not a risk-taker. Yes, I cannot afford to leave my job, and just do whatever I want. But really if you want to do it, as they all say, no one will stop you. There are many ways out there, I just need to think of ways on how to manage them without jeopardizing my office job. I am going to participate in an 8-week program wherein you need to achieve certain goals at the end of it and declare them as 100%. I am still not that ready, but still this will be a very challenging two months. I believe at the end of it, it will all be worth it. I just need to really be clear on what I want. I have so many things going on in my head, and it's really stressing me out. In a week, I will be starting that journey and I really hope that I can balance it. I know God will help me because nothing is impossible through Him. So for now, I'll be thinking of what my goals really are, because as what my commitment statement is, "I am a committed, passionate, and vulnerable woman". So help me God.

confused 0_0

what will i do? it's so hard forcing myself to do something i really don't want to do. it's even hard to tell to people that you're really okay, when in fact i'm not.

it's really hard to pretend, i don't know what's right or wrong now. i don't know if the life i'm living now is worthwhile. i am so confused and frustrated. i don't know where i am in my life now, it seems like everything is not in place, it's really really absolutely hard living like this. i tend to be pretentious and stubborn at times, this is not right. i need some assurance and from my family and friends, but i don't know how or where to open it up to them, this is really hard =(

i am so saaaaad ='(

is this the kind of living i deserve?????

i am really really frustrated..hoping that someone will help me =(

is this the consequence of succumbing to the earthly and unnecessary things that the world is showing me? is God teaching me a lesson, but i can't seem to realize what it is, i feel so empty, like a well without water. i need the kind of fullness that will satisfy me, not only in the physical aspect, but i can't seem to force myself and have the discipline, desire, and courage to seek for it.

maybe i need a little more time. it's really disturbing me.

rema-fy

this should be real..or else?

it's just amazing how God is showing me visions, visions I still need to understand
and have someone else interpret it to me..

i know He'll help me in this process..

i promise to do this constantly to open my eyes of understanding and to expand my faith..

faith indeed is essential..

i love it how i dream about this person, just by thinking about this person before i sleep..it makes me wonder..will that dream ever become real??

woah

so many things happened this past few months..
work is both happy and crazy..
my life is a mess, i am a mess, my habits are downright ugly..
i am living on the edge right now..
exploring things that should not be explored..
dwelling on earthly, carnal things, and most of all..

being numb on what life should be all about..

i am so sad..

but i will be slowly recovering..

i can do this.

GOD IS WITH ME.

maundy thursday

and finally, i am free til easter sunday! wooooooot!!!!!

welcome to new beginnings...i'm quite anxious and nervous for monday...

i will definitely miss my life @ my former work, my new found friends and acquiantances..haaaaay...i think it will be the opposite in Citi..i mean the work, i hope soooo :p

welcome back rush hour, early morning rants, but then, i will be better, i promise..i will be mature enough to handle my future managers / teammates..sigh

for my first day as a 'bum', i had to pamper myself first, and then movie marathon all byyy myyysellllfff... =) i wanna do this more often... =)

haaay, all stories have endings, and i think my story still has not ended yet in Factset, there's a new book that is Citibank that is ready to be filled in with stories..stories that I believe will be more challenging =)

thank you Lord for giving me this blessing =)

@_@

Haaaaaay, I can't believe it! :P goodluck goodluckkkkkk :)

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eeeeeeeeee :D

Bakit type na kita!?????? :DDD

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